Update: the 2007 winners are in.
Heard this on NPR this morning The Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest - for the best bad first line to a novel. Of course, the novel can exist only in your mind, the point is to do really bad writing, so bad that it's good and memorable. I absolutely love this sort of abuse of the English language and really admire people who can do it intentionally.
Here you'll find many previous winning entries, including last year's winner:
Detective Bart Lasiter was in his office studying the light from his one small window falling on his super burrito when the door swung open to reveal a woman whose body said you've had your last burrito for a while, whose face said angels did exist, and whose eyes said she could make you dig your own grave and lick the shovel clean. Submitted by Jim Guigli, Carmichael, CA
The 2006 runner up:
"I know what you're thinking, punk," hissed Wordy Harry to his new editor, "you're thinking, 'Did he use six superfluous adjectives or only five?' - and to tell the truth, I forgot myself in all this excitement; but being as this is English, the most powerful language in the world, whose subtle nuances will blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel loquacious?' - well do you, punk?" Submitted by Stuart Vasepuru, Edinburgh, Scotland